The flight back from California was very much like my flight to California. My friend’s family escorted me to the check in counter. From there they walked with me down to the gate where I would board the plane. We said our goodbyes with big powerful hugs. And then it was time for me to get onto the plane. I did not want to leave but I knew I had to get back home.
During the flight back to Las Vegas, I thought about all the things that I got to experience on this trip. I knew that these were going to be great long-lasting memories. In a way, I kind of wished that I could live in Beverly Hills with my friend just so we could keep experiencing new and exciting experiences together. But I also loved living in the deserts of Las Vegas.
When my mom and dad met me at the airport, I knew that I was home. I was looking forward to seeing my friend’s and riding my bike on the desert trails. And I could not stop talking about everything that I did in California. And how incredible the bar mitzvah celebration was. And then everything I could remember about Disney land. I do think they were getting tired of hearing my recounts of the trip by the time we got home. I do not blame them. It was an adventure that I would never forget.
The next day my friends and I rode our bikes out to the creek to hang out at the little pond. It was a hot afternoon. I remember telling them about the celebration at the hotel and about this strange drink we were drinking. Then I told them about Disneyland. I was the first one in our group that had ever visited Disneyland. This was another good day for me, the Desert Rat.
As the summer progressed something happened at home that changed me.
So, this is one of the most challenging memories that I am going to tell you about. It is a memory of an event that no one should have, especially a child or teenager. And it is only a partial memory since I cannot remember beyond a certain point in time when the event that created this memory begins. And from this memory, a dark period of my life begins.
It was in the summer just before the beginning of August if I remember correctly. Soon I would be celebrating my thirteenth birthday. And I will be starting my second year of junior high soon.
Coupled with my excitement for my birthday, I was experiencing the ongoing stages of puberty and all the accompanying heightened emotions that were building up inside of me. My body was changing, and my mind was also changing.
I remember looking in the mirror and noticing my face changing during this time. I was noticing more pimples popping out so I started to learn what I should do to make them go away. But these damn pimples would not go away with everything I was trying.
One day when I was home alone, my stepdad came home from work early. My mom was still at her work. For reasons I cannot figure out, even to this day, my stepdad convinced me to come to the master bathroom with him and I agreed. I do not know why.
Once we were in the bathroom, he said that he was going to take a shower and said that I should take one too. Then he said that we could take a shower together. For reasons I cannot identify, I again agreed to this and took off my clothes.
Without going into any detail as to how things happened, we were now both in the shower together with the water running. He began to wash my back. And he wanted me to wash his. This is the last thing that I remember of this day, and for the next couple of days as well. There were no details about the shower and what happened.
I will add that slowly over next couple of days a few details did pop out of nowhere and they were very frightening to me. And when these details did pop out, I thought to myself “This is not right. How could this have happened? Were there more details that I do not remember? Did I do something to encourage this? Is this normal? Is this part of growing up?” I was very confused. I did not feel normal. Just touching my skin felt creepy when I took a bath.
And I did not want anyone to touch me as well.
As more time passed, I remembered leaving the bathroom and going to my room. And I remembered that I was scared and was shaking. Some newer memories popped out and they were very visual. I could no longer endure these thoughts and forced everything back into the deepest part of my mind where dark memories go. And that is where I want them to remain. To this day the details of this memory are no more.
I know I became emotionally angry as the summer began to wind down for me. I lost focus. I was still a fun person with my friends. We would still go to the desert to look for lizards. I would go swimming at my friend’s house and throw him into the pool just like before. Boys being boys.
But inside me something was happening, and I did not know what. I could not say anything. I was hiding my emotional stress.
My mom sensed something was not right with me. I do not know how she found out what had happened. I may have said something to her when we were alone. There was a lot of tension in the air.
What I do remember from this time after the shower incident was lots of arguing, yelling, and screaming between my mom and my dad. Once again, I felt like I was the cause. I thought to myself that everything that was happening was my fault, and I did not know what to do to make things better.
As the days passed, I did everything I could do to avoid my dad. I no longer wanted him to be my dad. I just wanted to be by myself and left alone. I kept my bedroom door closed. I was now hiding all my feelings and emotions from everyone around me.
And then something happened that threw me off balance.
Suddenly, there were suitcases in the hallway. And the suitcases were only for me and my mom. We were leaving. I thought to myself that I was only three weeks plus a couple of days away from starting my second year of Junior High School.
I asked her what was happening and where were we going. She said she could not tell me but that I would find out soon. Then she simply said, “We were leaving.” Her message was cryptic, strange to be more accurate. All I knew was that in her quick talk to me was that I would not be going to school in Las Vegas anymore.
I felt destroyed inside. And I could no longer be the Desert Rat with my friends.
Where to now…
“Follow my website for new story vignettes”