I consider this milestone to be an important one in support of my recovery efforts. Completing this part of my recovery is an achievement of confidence with my resolve to become stronger and healthier with my heart, and in my life.
So, my milestone is that I reached my thirty-sixth cardiac rehab session without any setbacks. This achievement occurred during the last week in March. Throughout my time in cardiac rehab I watched others achieve their milestones which was uplifting for me to witness, and which the cardiac rehab center celebrated like a graduation from High School or College with celebratory fanfare. I knew that my day would come and that would be my milestone, now referenced as Phase I of my recovery efforts.
When I started cardiac rehab back in January, I was a bit unsure of how I would progress with the work I needed to do to strengthen my bruised heart even though going into cardiac rehab in already knew that my heart had returned to a percentage of function that the cardiologist was happy with. I know that this unsure feeling was because my mind had not caught up with my body’s current baseline of recovery. Personally, I felt much more confident doing my weekly routine of coming to the cardiac rehab center three times each week to help my heart get stronger.
I observed many patient’s during my three months at the center who struggled to get going simply because they had not recovered to a point of comfort, or a baseline, where they were comfortable with the challenges being presented. For me, when I started I just needed to convince myself that the effort I put into my cardiac rehab would be very beneficial in my going forward. I think I may have felt like everyone who is beginning cardiac rehab at the very beginning, but I did know that my heart was bruised during the event and that I had basically recovered from that bruising by the end of December. There were days where I was a bit surprised to see some fellow patients overcome by their efforts and then needed to receive assistance. I hoped that this would not happen to me.
I recall the days, my fun moments, where I would be on the stationary bike picking up momentum in my peddling, faster and faster, and then watching the technicians at the monitoring desk to see when they might respond to me exceeding my heart rate limit and giving me a warning. Cardiac rehab became a game for me and I felt rewarded with an achievement badge each time I was told to slow down to lower my heart rate back below my set limit.
When I arrived for my last day at cardiac rehab I was not looking forward to the playing of the graduation song. I felt like I would be embarrassed even though everyone before me during my time there was celebrated at their graduation. So, during the course of my last rehab session several events occurred with other patients that became distractions. My technician gave me my finishing paperwork and I left the center without any fanfare or celebratory music playing. I achieved this milestone and just moved on. I don’t think I was bothered much with the absence of celebration since my experience in February establishing that my journey forward was to be a solitary one and that this absence of support was now a part of my recovery journey.
I will add that while at this moment upon departing the cardiac rehab center, and looking back on my recent achievements, the thought of being solitary in my journey forward seems to now be acceptable to me. I do hope that in the future I can find that special someone who is outgoing and celebratory in nature that I can connect with. Ok, maybe not a party animal, or maybe yes to being a party animal. You only live once and I do want to live life to the fullest now. And why not. I haven’t had a real birthday party for nearly 35 years and I would love to have a really smashing one. Personally, I do like to entertain, laugh with others, enjoy sampling spirits, and eating good tasty healthy food with friends. I believe that this is sometimes called “conviviality”. And I do need to make a new friend’s group.
So, while this may sound a bit like a negative departure from my cardiac rehab, it really wasn’t. Throughout my life whenever I have experienced a potentially negative or down moment, I have learned to recognize this moment as an actual building block or foundation stone in the continuation of my character building. A negative or down feeling can be turned into a positive and uplifting part of yourself. And a new beginning in life, no matter when it is needed, or for how many times it may occur, always builds from your life experiences. That includes all the good, and the bad, and the extremely challenging experiences. Remember, you are everything you have lived. My cardiac rehab is done. Now onward to Phase II and my New Beginnings.
Fingers crossed again…
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