A couple of weeks after our return from vacation my wife suggested that we go to dinner. She said that she needs to talk with me about something. The tone in her voice tipped me off to what I should be expecting in the upcoming discussion we would be having.
I knew that it was time to harden my heart. To prepare my reactions. I suspected what was coming. This was a road I had traveled on before as a young adult.
We agreed to meet at a restaurant she selected in separate cars.
As the time neared for our restaurant encounter, I felt ready.
The restaurant had a nice interior, was a little bit historic in aesthetics and was pretty much empty at the time we chose to meet. After looking over the menu I ordered my dinner selection starting with some fresh oysters. I love oysters on the half shell with a not so spicy cocktail sauce.
I also ordered a large glass of wine. Why not! There was tension in the air, but I was feeling at ease. I remember not being in this frame of mind many decades earlier when my first marriage ended.
And as a young adult I could be hurt very easily. This stemmed from being challenged in my younger years, especially my teenage years.
We chitchatted before dinner arrived and during dinner. I enjoyed the oysters and my wine paring for my dinner selection was spot on. As we were winding down our food consumption, she made the announcement. In simple terms she said,
“I want a divorce”.
I took a sip of wine and responded, “I figured.”
I need not say anymore or show emotional anger. I had already begun to consider what a solo life could be, and I was going to move forward with making my bucket list no matter what the outcome. For me, I realized that new journeys and adventures lay ahead.
I don’t think she realized that I had been preparing for this moment for several months, ever since she asked me if I was happy back in February.
And during this time, she was not discreet in her comments. The hints were everywhere every day. The way I was being referred to and how I was generally greeted told me everything that I needed to know.
And that was this marriage was not going further.
Her hints strengthened me.
I could tell she was surprised that I was not all that emotional. She then added,
“But I want us to be friends.”
How many times in the world of breaking up have these words been uttered in an emotionless, non-confrontational, conversation.
She also added, “And we can share custody of the girls.”
I basically agreed.
What upset me most was the suggestion that I could move to an adult community for seniors. She then noted that she was still young. I knew from this statement that something was not right. I would ponder this further as the days turned into weeks.
She suggested that we could sell the house, and I responded with, “I am keeping the house.”
To my surprise she agreed with some initial reservations, but that quickly evaporated.
We both noted that the details would be worked out since we needed the house for our daughter’s school support. Also, this is where I am most comfortable and can fix it up to support a new life that I will now need to begin.
We discussed her decision more and I finished my glass of wine. During this wrapping up of the announcement, she said she wanted to tell the girls right away.
Why was speed so important in this announcement?
Now that it was agreed that we would not be selling the house and money is tight, she declared that she would be moving to the basement and I would be staying in the master bedroom on the upper floor where the girls. Bedrooms were
There is more to this reasoning, but this is something that I will not share.
We agreed that we should meet weekly for the next several months to resolve issues that might arise and how to plan the future, especially with the girls.
I again agreed.
What is interesting is how free I felt leaving the restaurant. I realized that I would now become a silver fox and I could travel the world. Maybe with friends, or someone new and special, or on my own. Who knows.
Later that night I sat down in front of my laptop and contemplated what journeys and adventures I should put on my bucket list. There were so, so many places to travel to that I began to think about. Italy, Spain, Hong Kong, Germany, Belgium, all came to mind. And then what should the adventures be? And how can I afford them?
After surviving a major medical event, I knew that I needed to live life to the fullest. I was given more time and this time I needed to become the explorer I always wanted to be. I knew that these journeys and adventures would most likely be experienced on my own.
My recovery has taken a new and interesting twist. A new chapter begins.
Solo again…
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