One night my mom and I were invited to our new neighbor’s trailer. This is the trailer where the most beautiful girl I had ever seen lived. And I was about to meet her in person, and her mom too. I was so nervous. I wondered if she would even talk to me. My confidence wasn’t very high.
But she and I had something in common.
I learned from my mom that her mom was divorced like my mom was. This might be the common denominator for a potential conversation. I kept thinking about how to talk to her without sounding like a square.
As my mom and I walked over to our neighbors, I could feel sweat building on my forehead. And it wasn’t hot outside, so I had no excuse for my sweating. I needed to relax.
As we approached her trailer, I told myself to take some deep breaths and calm down. This was an internal conversation I was having to help me cope.
My mom went up the stairs to the entry landing. I followed her.
My mom knocked on the sliding glass door panel. Her mom opened the sliding glass door panel and welcomed us. I could see her daughter standing behind her mom. I saw her eyes peer over her mother’s shoulder and our eyes made contact.
The smooth skin on my arms began to roughen with bumps. My heart raced. I felt like running away.
My mom and I were invited in, and I finally was face to face with the girl of my dreams. She said, “Hi,” and asked if I wanted to go to her room while our moms talked. I could not answer clearly but responded with a shaky “I would like that” response, trying to be a proper gentleman.
I followed her to her room, took a deep breath, and continued to tell myself to be calm as we both passed through her bedroom door and into her bedroom. Her room was smallish but had all the things that were needed for a girl’s room.
She showed me her record player. She also showed me some dolls that she had kept from her childhood and a stuffed bear. I think that was her favorite. As she was talking about what she was showing me I couldn’t stop looking at her. I was captivated. I think I was falling in love.
She then invited me to sit on her bed. Then she sat down next to me. I felt my blood begin to heat up and flow straight to my head.
She asked me what I like to do. I said, “I am learning to bowl, and that I had just learned about shooting a shotgun at clay pigeons.” She asked what that was and I explained it to her. I then said that I was also learning how to ride horses. She smiled and I melted inside.
I was beginning to think that she was just as shy as I was. And that could be a good thing for me.
Then she looked at me with a glow surrounding her and said, “Would you like to listen to one of my favorite songs,” and I quickly said, “I would love to hear it.”
I felt that there was something to her wanting to share one of her favorite songs with me. Were we connecting?
She pulled a vinyl disk out of a record box and set it up to play. The song was so perfect from the moment we were sharing in her room. While listening to the song I wished that all the words being sung could come true with her.
I think this moment was an awakening for me. I felt my skin explode with goose bumps and my body temperature rise again.
I asked her who the band was and she said, “Tommy James and the Shondells.” She then added that the song title was “Crimson and Clover.” At that moment I just knew that I needed to get that record to play when I was in my room alone with my thoughts and desires.
And I did get the record.
When it was time to go, I knew it would be a short, but long, walk home. I didn’t want to leave. I never wanted to leave.
The most beautiful girl and her mom walked us to the porch outside of their trailer.
As my mom was saying her departing gestures, her and I locked eyes again. We smiled at each other. I was so happy she lived next door to me.
While we were standing outside the sun was getting very low in the sky and the sky was filling with the brilliant colors of the evening.
I pointed out my bedroom window to her. She now knew where my room was. Her bedroom window was on the other side of the trailer.
The next morning the two brothers came over and asked how it was meeting her. I explained that it was incredible. I told them she is very nice, but she is a year older than us. She is already in high school.
Saying this made me realize that I might be too young for her. No matter what, I wanted to still be her friend even though I had this enormous secrete crush on her.
And as time passed, she told me she had a boyfriend which wasn’t easy to accept. But I had learned to be a gentleman and to be supportive. I cried in secret. While I had a girlfriend when I was much younger, having a crush like this was very different.
I didn’t know that your heart could be broken the way that a crush can do that. I learned. I grew. And I promised to be a friend to her. She would be my first true crush love.
I learned that she was a bit shy like me. And I would visit her many times more as the year progressed, hanging out and listening to new songs she liked. I was safe to her.
This is part of growing up I told myself. And my growing up will take a dramatic turn in the very near future.
Yep…
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